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Your Wedding Party
The time you spend planning your
wedding will be filled with tomorrow's memories. From deciding
on the color of your bridesmaids' dresses to the look on your face as
you stumble upon your surprise shower, these are the moments you'll
remember time and again. So it's only fitting that the
attendants by your side be your most treasured friends and relatives.
You and your fiancé are also
going to rely heavily on your attendants for their support and help,
and you'll want to select people you know you can count on.
Who to Ask
In the past, it was often expected
that engaged couples would include family members (siblings, cousins)
in their wedding parties. Today, though, they're more inclined
to base their decision on close friendships. You might ask your
sister to be your maid of honor, your college friends to be
bridesmaids. Or maybe you'd rather have your mother as your
maid/matron of honor, the groom's father as the best man.
What's most important is that the people you choose are important to
both of you.
In some cases, couples may feel
pressure to include a certain relative or friend in the wedding party
that they don't really want. Weigh your options carefully.
Can you solve the problem by asking those individuals to do a reading
during the ceremony instead? Choosing someone because you're
afraid of hurting someone's feelings is not a good reason, but if the
alternative will cause more trouble, it might just be worth it.
The size of your wedding party
will depend somewhat on the size and style of your wedding. If
you're having a large formal wedding, you'll probably want a
traditional wedding party with ushers, bridesmaids, and honor
attendants. if you're having a more intimate affair, you may not
feel comfortable with a full entourage. Contrary to popular
belief, you and your fiancé need not have an equal number of
attendants, and it's perfectly acceptable to have an opposite-sex
attendant if you wish.
Popping the Question
Once you've announced your engagement
and you and your fiancé have settled on who you'd like to have in
your wedding party, it's time to pose the question. Of course,
the bride should do the asking for the bridal party, the groom for the
groomsmen. If you're having a long or indefinite engagement,
however, you might prefer to wait until the wedding draws closer
to make these arrangements (relationships and lifestyles do change
over lengthy periods of time).
Inviting someone to be in your
wedding party is an honor, and the people you ask will be touched.
But since being in a wedding party also requires a commitment of time
and money, you need to be up-front about what you expect.
Explain the costs involved, such as attire and travel, and outline
each attendant's duties. Most important, remember that your
attendants will be helping you out by participating and they need to
be asked accordingly. Instead of saying "I've decided that
you'll be a bridesmaid," you might say, "Would you like to
be a bridesmaid in my wedding? Your presence would mean a lot to
me."
Attendant Responsibilities
Most attendants will host pre-wedding
parties for the bride and groom: a bridal shower given by the maid of
honor and bridesmaids, a bachelor party thrown by the groomsmen. Even
though they might be invited to other parties in your honor, one
shower gift, in addition to a wedding gift, is all that is expected.
In return, the bride and groom should give their attendants small
gifts shortly before the wedding (during the rehearsal dinner is a
good time) to show their appreciation.
While responsibilities will
differ for each attendant, typically all members of the wedding party
pay for their own travel expenses and attire. The bride's
attendants are expected to purchase the dress, shoes, and accessories
that the bride selects. Groomsmen pay rental costs for their
formal wear. Of course, the attendants should try to attend
every pre-wedding party and certainly should be present at the
rehearsal and dinner afterwards.
Here are the specific responsibilities for each role:
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Maid or Matron of
Honor
Out of all her attendants, the bride relies most heavily
on her honor attendant. Traditionally, the maid of honor is
the bride's closest sister or friend. A married honor
attendant is referred to as a matron of honor. In cases
where a bride chooses to have a maid and matron of honor, the maid
of honor's role takes precedence during the ceremony.
Before the wedding, the maid of honor's duties include
coordinating the bridesmaids' activities, such as meeting for a
dress fitting, and organizing the bridal shower. She also
helps the bride with any preparatory errands or tasks, like
addressing the invitations and keeping records of all the gifts.
On the wedding day, the maid of honor helps the bride dress and
accompanies her to the ceremony. She signs the marriage license as
the bride's witness, arranges her veil and train during the
processional and recessional, and holds her bouquet at the altar.
At the reception, she dances with the best man and organizes the
bridesmaids for formal pictures. Before the couple leaves
for their honeymoon, she helps the bride change, and makes certain
her dress and bouquet are preserved afterwards.
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Bridesmaids
You may choose as few or as many bridesmaids as you wish
to be in your wedding (although generally 12 is the limit).
Bridesmaids can be single or married and of any age, although
girls between the ages of 8 and 16 become junior bridesmaids and
receive abridged responsibilities. The main role of a
bridesmaid is to assist the maid of honor with her wedding
planning duties - especially the bridal shower - and help the
bride as needed. Of course, bridesmaids walk in the
processional and recessional. During the reception, they
mostly mingle, dance with the ushers and other important guests,
and encourage single girls to participate in the bouquet toss.
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Flower Girl
The flower girl is usually between the ages of 4 and 8,
depending on her level of maturity. During the processional,
she walks ahead of the bride, scattering flower petals in her path
or simply carrying a pretty bouquet. She should also be
included in the wedding rehearsal so that she is comfortable with
her role. Her parents are expected to pay for her attire and
arrange for her transportation.
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Best Man
Like the maid of honor to the bride, the best man is the
groom's biggest source of support. Generally, he is the
groom's brother or best friend, and he can be married or single.
The best man's main role before the wedding is to organize the
bachelor party. He helps coordinate the groomsmen's formal-wear
fitting, picks up the groom's attire before the wedding,
orchestrates the toasts at the rehearsal party, and confirms the
honeymoon travel reservations the day before.
On the day of the wedding, the best man makes sure the groom gets
to the ceremony's site on time. He brings the bride's ring,
holds the officiant's fee until after the ceremony, and signs the
marriage license as the groom's witness. Afterwards, he organizes
the groomsmen for formal pictures, dances with the maid of honor,
and orchestrates the toasts during the reception.
Finally, he makes sure the get-away car is ready, with the
couple's luggage inside. After the celebration, he sees that all
rented formal wear is returned.
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Ushers
The ushers have very few responsibilities before the
wedding. Mainly, they plan and host the bachelor party with
the best man. Of course, they should periodically check with
the groom and best man to see if they need any help.
On the wedding day, the ushers need to arrive early and
promptly at the ceremony site, ready to greet and seat guests as
they arrive. Any special seating arrangements should be
communicated to the ushers ahead of time. When a female
guest arrives, an usher should offer his right arm and escort her
to her seat, with her date or spouse following behind. Male
guests may simply be led. If the bride's mother or the
groom's parents won't be in the processional, ushers should seat
them just before the ceremony begins (the bride's mother is always
seated last).
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Ring Bearer
The ring bearer is traditionally a boy who carries the
wedding rings (or symbolic rings, with the real rings being held
by the honor attendants) down the aisle to the altar on a satin
pillow. The maid of honor and best man take the appropriate
rings off the pillow (you may want to tie them on with an attached
ribbon for safekeeping) and give them to the bride and groom.
Like the flower girl, the ring bearer's parents pay for his attire
and arrange for his transportation.
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