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Your Wedding Gifts
One of the great pleasures of
getting married is all the wonderful wedding gifts you receive.
From the minute you get engaged, tokens of congratulations will be
offered until well after your wedding day. But being the
recipient of so many gifts comes with obligations as well: Every giver
deserves a prompt, handwritten thank-you note, and there are many
courtesies for dealing with unwanted or damaged gifts you need to be
aware of. Here's everything you need to know to be a gracious
recipient.
Registering Your Preferences
The bridal gift registry has to be one of the greatest inventions, for
both engaged couples and guests alike. Available through most
major department stores nationwide, as well as many smaller specialty
stores and even mail order catalogs, the wedding gift registry is a
computerized operation that allows you to list your gift selections in
every category from china to sporting goods equipment.
Guests, who are informed by word of mouth or on shower invitations,
can then call or drop by the store and select a wedding gift from your
list that you're sure to like.
Be sure to register as far in advance of the wedding as possible, and
include items in a variety of price ranges to suit everyone's budget
(shower gifts are generally less expensive than wedding gifts).
Take your fiancé with you, so that he has some say in what he'll live
with. Although many men claim not to be interested, most get
caught up in the fun when they get to the store.
Before the wedding, gifts are generally delivered to the bride's home,
which you may arrange for with the registry. Most store will
also gladly switch the delivery date to your new married home once
you've returned from your honeymoon.
The beauty of the registry is that you avoid duplicate gifts since the
items are checked off on your list as they're purchased.
Occasionally, however, errors are made and you do wend up with two of
the same item. In such instances, you can contact the registry
directly and have it replaced with something of equal value on your
list, or perhaps even receive a cash refund to do with as you please.
Either way, there is no need to inform the gift giver. Simply
thank him or her and let the error go undisclosed.
Likewise, should you receive a damaged gift, you can make arrangements
to have it replaced by the store (whether you were registered there or
not), so you needn't trouble the giver who would no doubt be upset.
Of course every couple is bound to receive wedding gifts they don't
want or need, and you must be tactful about handling such a situation.
You should never tell a gift giver that you didn't like the selection,
but if it's clear where the gift came from, you can arrange to
exchange it on your own. If the gift came from an important
friend or relative who would be hurt if you didn't use it, you should
keep the gift on hand and make a point to get it out of the box for
occasions when you know the gift giver will see it.
Thank-You Notes
Every engagement, shower, and wedding
gift deserves a prompt thank-you note (if the same person gets you a
gift for each event, you must still write a separate note for each
one). As a rule, engagement and shower gift thank-you notes
should be mailed within 2 or 3 weeks of receipt, and early wedding
gifts should also be acknowledged before the big day. Besides
that it's good manners to respond promptly, there's a practical reason
for this: Your thank-you notes won't pile up. All remaining
thank-you notes should be sent within 3 months after the wedding.
While it's become popular in many parts of the country to order
thank-you notes from the photographer that include a wedding photo of
the couple, it can take much too long to receive the order. It
is never appropriate, no matter how charming you might think your
photo, to make guests wait beyond the usual time frame for your
thank-you note. if your photographer cannot deliver these cards
within a few weeks after the wedding, you will either have to pass on
the idea, or send a note promptly, to be followed by the wedding photo
later.
Keeping a record of the gifts you receive - either in a notebook or on
index cards - will help tremendously when you send your thank-you
notes. Record the giver's name, the store where the gift was
purchased. the date it was received, a brief description, and finally
, the date the thank-you note was sent. You can refer to this
listing as you write - since proper etiquette dictates that you
describe each gift in the thank-you note - and keep track of what you
have already acknowledged.
When writing thank-you notes for engagement or shower gifts,
decorative note cards may be used. Your wedding thank-you notes,
however, should be written on more formal paper embossed with your
name or initials, keep in mind that you must use your maiden name on
any pre-wedding thank-you notes. Stationery that includes your
married name, or both your and your new husband's name, should not be
used until after the wedding.
While thank-you notes were traditionally written by the bride, it is
now perfectly appropriate for your new husband to do some after the
wedding. To make matters simpler, have him do those for his
friends and family, you do yours. Since shower gifts are
generally for the bride, however, it is she who should do the
responding (Of course, gifts from a co-ed shower are an exception to
this rule.)
Your thank-you notes need not be lengthy, but they should include
several elements. Mention the gift by name, and refer to how you
will use it in your new home: "Thank you very much for the
china place setting. John and I will think of the two of you
each time we use it, and hope that you will be our dinner guests
sometime soon." If it was a monetary gift, you needn't
state the amount, but do mention what you plan to do with it: "Thank
you for your generous wedding gift. John and I are saving for a
house, and you have helped bring us closer to that goal."
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