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The Reception
After the solemness of the
ceremony, it's time for the celebration. Many reception
traditions have developed over time to become an expected and enjoyed
part of the marriage ritual. While the course of events will
vary somewhat from wedding to wedding, here's a general idea of how
things should proceed.
The Menu
While the only two requirements for a
wedding reception are cake and champagne, menus for marriage
celebrations run the gamut from light breakfast to an elaborate
dinner. The time of your wedding reception should dictate what
is served. An early morning wedding calls for a breakfast
or brunch, afternoon ceremonies may be accompanied by hors d'oeuvres
or a light meal, and evening weddings generally call for a full dinner
(which may be served by waiters or buffet style), unless they are held
at 8 P.M. or later, at which time you may choose to offer only
cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. Your caterer or banquet manager
can help you select an appropriate menu.
It is courteous to guests to serve a meal appropriate to the time your
wedding reception is being held. If you do not plan to do so,
use the wording "cake and champagne" or "cocktails and
hors d'oeuvres" on your invitations so that they will know what
to expect. In many parts of the country, the wording
"reception" has come to denote a full meal.
The Receiving Line
The receiving line is the first element of the wedding reception
(unless you already had one after your ceremony). It
allows the bride and groom a chance to greet all their guests - an
opportunity they might not otherwise have during a large reception.
To avoid making the receiving line a time consuming process, exchange
brief, albeit warm, wishes to everyone as they pass by. It is
also courteous for those on the receiving line to introduce the next
person: "Mrs. Mauro, you look beautiful today! Have you met my
parents yet, John and Cynthia O'Malley?" It can also help
to pass the time by asking waiters to circulate with drinks and hors
d'oeuvres while guests wait.
The line is usually formed with the mother of the bride first, then
the father, followed by the groom's mother and father , and then the
bride and groom. Divorced parents, however, should not stand
together in the receiving line. For example, if the bride's
parents are divorced and the groom's are not, the father of the bride
may stand on the other side of the groom's parents. It is not
necessary to have attendants in the receiving line.
Seating Arrangements
The members of the bridal party sit
at a head table (often long and narrow or U-shaped) visible to all
guests (it is often elevated, in which case it is called a dais).
The bride and groom sit in the center with the ushers and bridesmaids
alternately seated on either side. The groom is on the bride's
left, with the maid of honor next to him. The best man sits on
the bride's right.
If you are having a small wedding party, you may want to include
spouses or dates of your bridal party at the head table. Or you
two may choose to sit alone at a head table, and spread your wedding
party around at other guest tables, which also allows them to sit with
their partners. You may also include the child attendants at the
head table, but if they are young, they may behave better and feel
more comfortable seated with parents.
The table of honor - located near the head table - is where the
parents of both the bride and groom, the wedding officiant, and
sometimes grandparents sit during the wedding reception. if there are
several people you would like seated at this place of honor, you may
have two tables - perhaps one for the bride's family and one for the
groom's. Divorced parents should be seated at different tables
of honor with their partners and close family and friends.
Guests should be informed where they will sit by table cards that are
placed on a small table outside the reception room. ("Mr. and
Mrs. Smith, Table 5"). The tables should be prominently
marked in an easy-to-follow order. You may also use place cards
to notify guests about specific seats at their tables. they
should have names on both sides (so other guests at the table can see
them as well), and should be positioned above the plate. This is
a good way to help guests become acquainted.
When planning your seating arrangements, keep in mind specific
concerns of the guests: Don't sit elderly people near loud speakers or
put strangers at a table if it can't be avoided. A good idea is
to intersperse the groom's guest tables with the bride's guest tables
in order to avoid an unfriendly "divider."
Introductions and Dancing
After the receiving line has been
completed and the cocktail hour is finished, it will be time for
guests to move into the main dining area. After all the guests
have found their seats, a master of ceremonies (often the disc jockey,
band leader or maitre'd) should introduce the bridal party.
Instruct the master of ceremonies or whoever will be making the
announcements beforehand on how you wish the names read (check
pronunciation with attendants). The bride's parents should be
the first to enter, followed by the groom's parents, flower girl and
ring bearer, bridesmaids and ushers, best man and maid of honor, then
finally the bride and groom. The raised arms of the attendants
can form an arch of bouquets that the bride and groom go under.
The first dance often takes place right after the wedding party has
been announced or may wait until after the meal is completed.
This dance belongs to the bride and groom with all guests gathering
around to watch. Toward the end of the song, the master of
ceremonies or announcer should instruct the rest of the bridal party
to join in with their respective partners. The guests may also
be asked to join in at the end of the first dance.
At some time during the course of the celebration (but always after
the first dance as husband and wife), the bride should have a farewell
dance with her father, followed by the groom and his mother. In
both cases, a nostalgic, sentimental song is often chosen. If
your father will not be there or is deceased, you may choose another
important male to share in this special dance with you (brother,
uncle, grandfather). If you are not close to your father and
feel more comfortable with your stepfather, you may share the dance
with him. The same options apply for your new husband as well.
And be sure that both of you dance with your new in-laws and honor
attendants.
Toasting
It is customary at religious weddings
to have the officiant say a blessing before everyone begins eating.
Be sure and let your officiant know ahead of time that you would lie
to include this, so that he or she is prepared. The bridal party
and wedding guests should remain quiet and attentive during the
blessing, regardless of their religious affiliations.
Just before the main meal is served, the
best man is introduced and asks everyone to stand. You and your
groom should remain seated. His toast may be brief and
sentimental ("Here's to the happiness of a couple close to us all
- Kathy and John") or it can be more detailed and personal, often
amusing and anecdotal. Whatever the case, it should reflect the
hope and happiness the two of you have for the future. At the
end of his speech, the best man raises his glass and invites the other
guests to do the same in a well-wishing toast. The bride and
groom may then get up and say a few words of thanks and toast each
other if they wish.
Cutting the Cake
The time-honored cake cutting
ceremony illustrates the bond that is shared between husband and wife.
The master of ceremonies should announce that this event is
taking place and direct guests to this location. To cut the
cake, place your hand on the cake knife while the groom places
his hand over yours. The first slice is placed on a plate and
you feed your husband a small piece, then you receive a bite from your
husband. The remainder of the cake is then cut by waiters and
distributed to guests. It is customary to save the top tier of
the wedding cake, which can be frozen, to be enjoyed on your first
anniversary.
Different from the bride's tall white cake, the groom's cake (which is
optional) is traditionally a darker color, often made from chocolate.
Usually it is displayed during the reception, then sliced and
distributed to guests as take-home favors.
The Bouquet and Garter
Ceremonies
Towards the end of the reception, the master of ceremonies may ask all
eligible ladies to gather in the middle of the floor for the bouquet
toss - the lucky recipient of which is said to be the next woman to
marry. The bride should turn her back to the crowd and toss the
bouquet over her head to the female guests and bridesmaids. (Or you
may want to face everyone and take aim for a particular friend or
relative.) Another way to throw the bouquet is to toss it out of
the window of your car or limousine to waiting females as you leave
for your honeymoon. Many brides m\now have two bouquets - one a
smaller, less expensive version specifically made fro tossing, so that
the bridal bouquet can be preserved as a wedding memento.
In the garter ceremony, the groom removes the garter from the bride's
leg and tosses it in a similar fashion to the eligible men.
According to legend, the man who catches it is the next to marry.
The man then puts it on the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet,
usually accompanied by music and fanfare.
When to Leave
It was once customary for the bride and groom to make a
get-away during the reception to begin their honeymoon, and that
was also the signal that the guests could start to leave.
Nowadays, however, many couples choose to spend extra time with their
out-of-town guests and stay at the reception until the very end.
You may still change into going-away clothes (check with your
reception site about changing rooms) and then come back to bid your
guests a final farewell. Guests may throw rice, birdseed, or
potpourri as you and your new husband make your exit. |
