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Pre-Wedding
Parties
As the date for your wedding
draws near, you and your fiancé will find yourselves the subjects of
a whirlwind of parties. Some you will host, but for the most you
two will be the guests of honor - which means you get to pretty much
relax and enjoy the festivities. Still, it helps to know what to
expect, and provide guidance to hosting friends and family when it's
requested.
Bridal Showers
The first party to be given in your
honor will most likely be a shower, which can take place anywhere from
2 months to 3 weeks before the wedding. Showers are usually
given by the maid of honor, the bridal party as a group, or some close
friends.
Traditionally, it was considered inappropriate for the bride's
immediate family to host the shower since it appears that they are
asking for gifts. In many parts of the country, however, this
has become an acceptable practice. Another way for the mother of
the bride to get involved is to help defray costs for the bridesmaids
by footing some of the catering bill, or offering to host the
shower in her home.
While any female who's on the wedding guest list can technically be
invited to a shower, it's best to keep the event intimate, including
only the bride's closest friends and relatives. The exception is
a shower hosted by office workers, not all of whom may be attending
the wedding but who wish to give you a celebratory send-off.
It's also becoming increasingly common to host a co-ed shower for the
couple's friends. These are generally held in addition to a
traditional ladies-only event, and are more casual.
Most showers have from 20 to 40 guests. If more than one shower
is being given, it's best to avoid duplicating the guest lists since
buying several gifts can become a real financial burden. If as
many as 3 showers are being planned, encourage the hostesses to
combine them into one or two larger events.
The best time to hold a shower is from 1 to 2 months before the
wedding. As the actual event draws near, the bride herself will
become busier and busier. If at all possible, avoid setting
shower date on a holiday weekend, when many potential guests will have
other plans.
Invitations for the shower should be sent no later than 3 to 4 weeks
before the date of the event. They should include the names of
the hostesses; the name of the bride; the date, time and location of
the party; a mention that it's a surprise (if that's the case); any
special themes; and an R.S.V.P. name and phone number. If the
bride has registered her gift preferences, it is acceptable to list
the name of the store and phone number on the shower invitation (but
never on the wedding invitation).
The shower itself can be as casual as a pool party or as formal as a
sit-down luncheon in a restaurant. If several parties are being
planned, it can be fun to differentiate them with themes, such as a
lingerie shower or a kitchen shower. This also helps to avoid
duplicate gifts. Another popular idea is to include a
"wishing well" for which each guest brings a small household
utensil as well as a regular gift. These smaller items are
thrown into the "wishing well" (which can be rented) for the
bride to take home.
While it is being used to be de rigueur to play games at
showers, most brides today prefer something a little more low key.
Plan on a the shower lasting about 3 to 4 hours. Guests
generally arrive a half hour or so before the bride, so everyone is
there to shout "surprise!" Then the bride makes her
round of greetings and the food is served. After everyone eats,
the bride begins opening gifts. Bridesmaids should stand by to
help with the unwrapping and someone should record who each gift is
from. Cards should be placed in each box to make doubly sure no
gift giver goes unidentified. Afterwards, cake and coffee is
served and the party begins to break up. The host or hostesses
will also want to make arrangements for the bride to get everything
home.
The Bridesmaids' Luncheon
Hosted by the bride for her
attendants, the bridesmaids' luncheon is given a few weeks before the
wedding as a way to say thank you to the women in her wedding party.
The bride may present her attendant gifts at this event, and a pink
cake with a trinket baked inside is traditionally served for dessert.
According to legend, the bridesmaid whose slice contains the trinket -
which can be a ring, thimble, or charm - will be the next to wed.
Since busy pre-wedding schedules don't always allow for a last-minute
luncheon, you might want to find another way to say thanks.
Another good time to treat everyone to a lunch or evening cocktails is
when they're together to select their bridesmaid dresses. You
may also hold a get-together at your home.
The Bachelor and Bachelorette
Parties
The thought of a bachelor party sends
shivers of fear down the spine of many a bride, but in most cases, the
days of all-night drinking and exotic dancers popping out of cakes is
nothing more than a myth. In fact, many bridal parties
have adopted the idea, enjoying their own "girls' night out"
just before the wedding.
The bachelor party originated because it was once believed that grooms
needed one last chance to sow their oats before committing. Now,
it's considered an opportunity to get rid of the last-minute
jitters, Either way, bachelor parties take many forms - from a
quiet dinner with buddies to a beer-and-pretzel poker game or a night
at the casinos. Bachelor parties generally include the male
attendants, male siblings of the bride and groom, and the groom's
closest friends. They are best held a week or 2 before the
wedding - discourage your fiancé's groomsmen from scheduling one any
later, or else a hangover might interfere with his wedding
responsibilities.
Of course, there's no reason for you to stay home by yourself that
night - and bachelorette parties are the perfect idea. Your
attendants and close girlfriends might also assemble for dinner or
drinks, and if you want to get even with the guys, there's always the
relatively tame but highly humorous burlesque.
The Rehearsal Dinner
Every wedding needs a rehearsal, and
a rehearsal dinner immediately following is the perfect time to see
that everyone involved in the wedding gets acquainted.
Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom's parents.
Not only does this take some of the party-planning pressure off of the
bride and her parents, but it helps the groom's family feel more
involved.
The rehearsal dinner should be intimate enough to serve as a relaxing
icebreaker. You'll want to invite all those who attend the
rehearsal itself: the members of the wedding party and their spouses
and dates; parents of children in the wedding party; the officiant and
his or her spouse or date; your immediate families and their spouses
or dates and children; and close friends or relatives who
participating in the ceremony. It's also nice - if budget and
space permit - to invite out-of-town wedding guests.
You may send out invitations or call guests and invite them over the
phone. Either way, make sure you give them at least 3 weeks
notice, and be sure to provide the date and address of the location,
and an R.S.V.P. name and number.
The rehearsal dinner should be fun and lively - but there's no need to
upstage or even attempt to equal the wedding itself. The most
popular options include an at-home party with a home-cooked or
catered meal; a restaurant with a private room or table large enough
to seat everyone; or a catering hall. The meal may be sit-down
or a buffet, but guests should have a chance to mingle and get to know
each other at some point.
Unlike a wedding reception which revolves around a DJ, live band and
dancing, the rehearsal dinner focuses on reminiscing about the bride's
and groom's past. Generally cocktails and hors d'oeuvres are
served first, and the couple and their immediate families should make
a point of introducing guests to each other.
Following the main course, dessert is served and the toasts begin.
It's customary for the best man to start off by toasting the couple,
and the groom's father (as host) may follow. At that point,
everyone else can join in the fun, including the bride and groom, who
will probably want to toast their parents as well.
Afterwards the couple may present their gifts to the wedding party as
thanks for taking part in such an important event. They may also
present gifts to their parents and each other at this time. And
at some point, the groom should discreetly pass the officiant's fee to
the best man to bring with him the next day.
At the end of the evening (which should conclude early enough for a
good night's rest), the bride and groom part separately, not to see
each other again until they arrive at the altar. |
