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Marrying Again
A big misconception today is
that couples who have been married before must have an understated
celebration.
Happily, that is no longer the case. In fact, many brides and
grooms who kept their previous weddings simple may want to have a
ceremony and reception with all the trimmings. Or the remarrying
couple can opt for a quietly elegant wedding and small gathering
afterward, which still conveys the joy and deep meaning of the
occasion. The choice is up to the two of you.
Announcing Your Engagement
As with a first-time wedding you'll
want to share your news right away. If either of you have
children, they should be the first to know. Each of you should
tell your own children alone, so that they have an opportunity to
react honestly without fear of hurting their new stepparent's
feelings. If you two have been dating for some time, your
children will probably not be surprised. Still they may need
reassuring that their biological father or mother will always play a
role in their lives.
Once you've shared the news with your children, it's time to let your
parents and friends in on the excitement. And while many couples
who are remarrying now have their wedding announcements published in
the local newspaper, it's best to refrain from publishing an
engagement announcement.
What to Wear
While many women choose to wear a
more sophisticated dress, there is nothing wrong with a second-time
bride selecting a traditional white wedding gown. You may want
to skip the formal train and veil, however, both of which are symbols
of virginity. Consider instead a hat or simple headpiece, or
fresh flowers attached to a comb. Other dress options include a
suit, a lace evening gown, or short cocktail dress. You might
wear fancy jewelry or pearl accessories to further dress up your
outfit.
The groom may choose to wear a tuxedo, complete with a cummerbund and
the trimmings, or an attractive suit. Attendants' attire should
be in keeping with the formality of the day and, as with a first
wedding, echo the bride's style.
Who to Invite
Some people choose to have a quiet
affair with just close family and friends. Others want to
celebrate with co-workers and all the relatives. If you are
close to your ex in-laws, and have discussed the situation with your
future husband, by all means invite them. You must use your own
judgment, however, in inviting those who may not feel comfortable with
your remarriage.
Invitations
If your affair is small and intimate,
invitations can be handwritten or extended over the telephone.
If it is to be a bigger event, however, printed invitations are best.
If you and your groom are paying for the wedding yourselves (as is
usually the case in second marriages) your invitation should read as
follows:
The honour of your presence is
requested
at the marriage of
Laura Rita Smith
to
David Andrew Jones
(or)
Laura Rita Smith
and
David Andrew Jones
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
Including Children
If either you or your future husband have children from a first
marriage, every effort should be made to include them in the
celebration. It is a good idea to discuss this with the other
parent as the children nay be afraid that they will appear disloyal if
they display too much enthusiasm about the wedding. Their
participation will help in their adjustment and acceptance of a new
member in the family. Just remember not to push your children
into a situation they may not feel comfortable in.
Depending on their age, there are several ways to include children in
your remarriage celebration. If the child is a teenager or
older, she may serve as your attendant - a most honored role. A
son may serve as your fiancé's groomsman. And younger children
can be flower girls or ring bearers.
Other roles include handling our wedding programs, delivering a
special reading or prayer at the ceremony, and sitting at a table of
honor at the reception. A sentimental touch could be a special
dance between you and your son or your fiancé and his daughter.
You may also dance with his son and your new husband can dance with
your daughter.
Carrying on Traditions
Many brides wonder if they can include the same wedding traditions -
being escorted down the aisle, having a first dance, tossing the
bouquet - at their remarriage celebrations. The answer is of
course yes, although you may wish to modify them somewhat.
During your ceremony, for example, you and your groom may choose to
walk down the aisle together. You may also have your father
escort you again, although he shouldn't "give you away."
You may choose special readings appropriate to your feelings about
starting anew, or perhaps have your children join you in the lighting
of the unity candle. As in your first wedding, feel free to toss
the bouquet to the next "bride."
At the reception, you and your new husband can have an abbreviated
receiving line (there's no need for your parents to greet all the
guests if they are not hosting) and you should include your children
at the head table. Also ask your photographer to snap some
portraits of your newly blended families to give each child as a
keepsake.
Finally, make sure to plan a honeymoon, even if it only amounts to a
long weekend at a nearby country inn. Or you might plan a
two-part trip during which the kids join you after a few days of alone
time, to satisfy everyone's needs.
Gifts
Women who are remarrying do not
usually receive as many parties as first-time brides, and guests are
not expected to give a gift for a remarriage - particularly if they
gave you a gift for a previous wedding. However, they may choose
to do so in order to express their wishes for your happiness.
Many couples who have been married before do not need the household
necessities that first-married couples do, so it is perfectly
acceptable to register for more luxurious items, or spread the word
that you prefer a charitable contribution be made in your name
instead. You may also take the opportunity to start anew by
registering for linens or a new china pattern. |
