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The Ceremony
Since the ceremony is the "real" wedding, it
should set the tone for the entire day. Some couples may prefer
a traditional religious ceremony officiated by a clergy member.
Others might consider a civil or nondenominational ceremony for a
spiritual essence without religious restrictions. Interfaith
couples may choose an ecumenical ceremony in which a clergy member
from each faith is present. Whatever you desire, your ceremony
should satisfy both your feelings and beliefs.
Setting Your Site
Before you begin planning, you'll want to select a site and
an officiant. Since fees and requirements vary from place to
place, it's necessary to ask about restrictions and costs. Many
sites are free or available for a small donation, while others may
charge a fee or require permits. You may also be expected to
give a separate donation to the officiant so be sure to ask what he or
she usually receives.
As for the ceremony, ask what the standard service consists of and the
amount of freedom you'll be given to personalize it. You'll also
want to know what kind of services the facility provides (music,
clean-up, decorations, an aisle runner) and if there are any
restrictions on music or photography.
Seating Arrangements
Of course, you'll want to choose a ceremony site large enough to
comfortably seat everyone invited to the wedding. Since your
ushers will escort guests to their seats, it's not necessary to have
assigned seating. However, you will want to section off a
reserved seating area in front for your immediate families.
Traditionally, the bride's parents sit in the first row on the left
side, along with grandparents and siblings. If the bride's
parents are divorced and prefer to sit separately, the mother and her
husband might sit in the first row, while the father and his wife sit
in the second row. Other special relatives may sit in the second
and third rows. The groom's family is seated in the same manner,
but on the right side of the room.
Your ushers will show your guests to their seats as they arrive.
As with the families, the bride's guests are seated on the left, the
groom's on the right. But if more guests are expected from one
family, simply seat guests evenly on either side so that everyone has
a good view. An usher should offer a female guest his right arm
to escort her to her seat. Male guests may simply be led.
When a number of guests arrive at once, seat the eldest ones first.
If your having a military weeding, you'll need to consider the ranking
of your guests and develop a seating plan. Consult with a
representative from your or your fiancé's branch of service for
specific guidelines.
After the ceremony, the immediate family seated in the first few rows
exits first right after the bridal party, and guests follow by row.
This will prevent crowding at the door.
Getting Down the Aisle
The order of your processional and recessional will depend
on the type of ceremony you're having: religious, civil, military.
Family traditions and the formality of your ceremony will also
influence the proceedings.
Most Christian wedding processionals and recessionals follow the same
basic order, with the exception of the Catholic ceremony, where the
bride's father escorts her to the altar but does not give her away
before taking his seat.
At the altar, the bride stands on the left, the groom
on the right, facing the officiant. The best man stands beside
the groom, with the ring bearer and ushers to his right. the
maid of honor stands beside the bride, with the flower girl and the
bridesmaids to her left.
Jewish wedding processionals and recessionals will vary with religious
sects and local practices, but still follow a basic order.
The Jewish ceremony takes place around a wedding
canopy, called a huppah, under which the bride, groom, best
man, and maid of honor stand. If there's enough room, the
couple's parents can also stand beneath the huppah during the
ceremony; grandparents take their seats right after the processional.
While there is no set order for a civil ceremony, a couple might
borrow procedures from a religious ceremony, or create their own.
What's most important is that the ceremony feels right to the bride
and groom.
Since military weddings can be civil or religious ceremonies, their
orders will vary. The only other difference will be during the
recessional, when the just-married couple retreats under the majestic
arch of drawn swords.
Musical Selections
Nothing sets the mood for your wedding like the ceremony
music you choose. Ceremony music has three distinct parts: the
prelude, the processional, and the recessional. The prelude,
which can begin up to 45 minutes before the ceremony, consists
primarily of classical selections for your guests' enjoyment. If
a vocalist will perform, just before the processional is a good time.
The processional follows once the bridal party is lined up. It
should be a majestic march with a good tempo for walking down the
aisle. While it's not mandatory, some couples also choose to
have music playing softly during the service itself. Finally,
the recessional, which is a festive, uplifting march, is played while
the newlyweds and their wedding party retreat.
Since music is a service rendered, expect to pay for it. Discuss
the musician's fee and arrange for payment ahead of time. If a
friend or relative is performing and you feel uncomfortable giving
money, a nice gift would be in order. And if the musician is
traveling far, you might pay for the traveling costs and lodging.
Readings and Prayers
Readings and prayers may be used to turn even the most
strictly religious ceremony into a highly personalized event.
While the range of choices you have will depend upon your officiant's
rules (some religions are stricter than others), you'll want to
consult him or her when considering your opinions. Once you know
what message you want a reading or prayer to convey, your officiant
can be most helpful in finding an appropriate selection. For a
very religious ceremony, you might choose a favorite piece of
scripture. A less traditional ceremony could be personalized
with a favorite poem that represents your feelings about marriage.
Assign special friends and relatives who aren't in your wedding party
to read the various selections. It's a great way to include more
loved ones in your wedding and they'll feel honored to be asked.
Exchanging Vows
The degree to which you can customize your vows will vary
depending on your officiant's rules. But even the most
traditional wedding vows can be personalized by modernizing the
language or substituting phrases to suit your partnership.
While deciding to write your own vows is not for the faint-of-heart,
it is one way to express the uniqueness and beauty of your ceremony.
You may decide to recite your original vows from memory. But if
you're feeling nervous that you'll forget your lines, you can read
them, or respond with affirmations to your officiant: "Do you
promise to..." or "Will you always..."
Special Touches
Options abound for making a wedding ceremony uniquely
yours. In addition to carefully selecting your ceremony music,
vows and readings, you might include rituals from your own culture or
borrow some you like from others. For instance, candle
ceremonies, which have long been used in Protestant wedding
ceremonies, are becoming extremely popular cross-culturally. The
altar is prepared with 3 white candles, which symbolize the love that
the newlywed couple will keep burning for each other throughout their
marriage. After the vows, the couple lights the third candle,
the "unity candle," with the flames of their individual
candles.
If you have friends or family members who are not in your wedding
party that you'd still like to honor, one way is to include them in
your ceremony. In addition to doing a reading or performing a
song, they might present the gifts at a Catholic mass, hold the huppah
poles during a Jewish ceremony, light a candle, or distribute
programs. Your officiant will be able to offer examples of other
ways to honor family and friends.
UNITY CANDLE: The lighting of the Unity Candle has
become a popular and symbolic wedding tradition. The Unity Candle can
be a simple taper, a plain white or ivory pillar candle, or a fancy
decorated candle. The stocky pillar candles can be decorated with
flowers, beads, ribbons, your invitation, or your names and wedding
date. After the wedding, they can be converted to an
"anniversary" candle, that you re-light on each anniversary.
There are several ways to do the Unity Candle lighting. You need two
small taper candles, one on each side of the Unity Candle. These can
be pre-lit before the ceremony, or you can light them during the
ceremony. It depends on which symbolism you prefer. Be sure to have a
small votive candle nearby to use for lighting these candles. Don't
use a match or lighter.
If the two smaller candles represent your individual lives up to this
moment, then you can have them pre-lit, or you can light them at the
beginning of the ceremony. After the officiant has declared you
husband and wife, each of you take one small candle in your opposite
hands, facing each other, place the flames together over the Unity
Candle, then lower them together and light the Unity Candle. At this
point you would blow out the two smaller candles, and place them back
in their holders, symbolizing your union as one in marriage. If you
prefer, you could also leave all three candles lit in their holders.
If you want the Unity Candle ceremony to represent the union of both
families, then you, or your mothers can light them at the beginning of
the ceremony. It is a nice touch for the mothers, if it can be
arranged. As each mother is escorted down the aisle, the usher takes
her to the Unity Candle area where she lights one of the small candles
and places it back in its holder, then she is seated. After the
officiant declares you husband and wife, you walk to the Unity Candle,
each of you taking one of the smaller candles, place the flames
together and light the Unity Candle. You will place the still-lit
smaller candles back in their holders, symbolizing the Bride's family,
the Groom's family, and your new family (the Bride and Groom).
Outdoor Ceremonies using a Unity Candle: Use Hurricane lamps. You can
purchase these in various sizes at most craft stores, Dept. stores,
and discount stores. It does not matter if the flame is blown out by
the wind. Lighting the Unity Candle is the symbol of your union in
Love. It is the lighting that is important. You can always re-light it
later for more pictures. Protect the flame, like you protect your
love.
What Different Religions Do
All religious-based wedding ceremonies tend to share the
same basic order, but there are also many differences. Here's a
run-down of some of the most common religious ceremonies.
The Roman Catholic Ceremony
These ceremonies - which must take place in a Catholic Church
- often occur during a nuptial mass, which lasts from 45 minutes to an
hour. They may be held at any time as long as they don't
conflict with the weekend mass schedule, with the exception of several
holidays during Easter week - Hoy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy
Saturday. Introductory rites are followed by the Liturgy of the
Word, in which the couple's selections are read. Afterwards, the
priest gives a brief homily concerning marriage. The rings are
blessed and exchanged after the Declaration of Consent, and the vows
are taken. Afterwards, the mass continues with the Liturgy of
the Eucharist and concluding rites.
The Eastern Orthodox Ceremony
Several rituals are performed - each three times to represent
the Holy Trinity - during an Eastern Orthodox ceremony. The
priest blesses the rings and places crowns on the heads of the bride
and groom, lit candles are held during the ceremony, and, after a
Gospel reading, the couple shares a cup of wine. Then the
congregation sings "God Grant Them Many Years" while
the couple circles the ceremonial table, hand in hand. The
ceremony, which takes place during a mass, is otherwise similar to the
Roman Catholic ceremony.
The Protestant Ceremony
Based on the Book of Common Prayer, the Protestant
ceremony is a fairly short service, beginning with the couple
welcoming guests and the Prayer of Blessing. Scripture passages
are read before the Giving in Marriage, when the couple's
parents give their affirmation. The congregation responds, vows
and rings are exchanged, and the Lord's Supper is celebrated.
Then the couple lights the unity candle, and the ceremony concludes
with the Benediction.
The Jewish Ceremony
Most Jewish ceremonies are held in a synagogue, but this is
not a requirement. The wedding ceremony cannot take place on the
Sabbath, during Passover, or on other holy days. The Seven
Benedictions are recited and the bride and groom drink the blessed
wine. Then, rings and vows are exchanged, the ketubah (Jewish
marriage contract) is read, and the groom smashes a ritual wineglass
with his foot. |
