From Soup to Nuptuals
We love to wander through the alphabet with you
A — Being
escorted down the aisle by dad or another male relative harks
back to a time when a woman was "given" to her husband's
household.
B — Today's
bridesmaids have it easy. All they have to do is provide moral
support, maybe throw a shower and shell out money for a dress the
bride promises they'll want to wear again. (Yeah, right!) But in days
of yore, bridesmaids' responsibilities included some pretty serious
stuff: protecting
the bride from evil spirits and serving as witnesses that she was not
marrying against her will. The best man also had a major task:
keeping would-be abductors from making off with the bride.
C —
Enough with mashing cake in each
other's face. It's a mess. It's not funny. In some states, it's even
grounds for annulment. Not really. But it should be. Hooray for the
couples who stick with tradition, which deems that communal eating
affirms the binding of the marital ties.
D —
Back in dowry days, if a couple
divorced — well, let's just say there was no community property law.
All the goodies went back to the bride's family. Today's equivalent of
the dowry may also be waning: the bride's father footing the bill for
everything.
E — Eloping
used to be what couples did when they didn't have their parents'
consent. These days, it just as likely means all parties think
planning a wedding could well turn into another sequel of
"Scream." As etiquette expert Elizabeth Post says, "I
suspect that many such marriages are known to their families and take
place with their blessing."
F —
Before flowers, bridal bouquets
were made of wheat, thus paying homage to the harvest and to another
F: fertility. But eventually someone realized that flowers might be a
lot prettier. Hence bouquets of roses, orange blossoms, myrtle.
G —
For all you know-it-alls who thought the garter
toss came about as a result of the guys wanting to one-up the dolls
for the bouquet toss, hear the real story. In the days that men and
women wore garters to hold up their stockings, the bride was teased by
the groomsmen who attempted to lift her skirt and steal her garters.
As we know the significance today, it's often the quick solution to
the "something blue" problem.
H —
What an odd yet melodious word is honeymoon. First, take the
honey part: A fermented drink of honey, called mead, intoxicated many
a couple from ancient Germanic tribes. Newlyweds would imbibe the
sweet, strong stuff day after day for a month — also known as a
moon. Hence: moon of honey, or honeymoon.
I —
Wedding videography preserves imagery only possible on the
camcorder. Take a recent Saturday afternoon wedding moment fit for
Martha Stewart devotees. After the ceremony, guests filed out, ready
to release butterflies secured in individual white boxes. At the
moment they were released, with videographer Dean Markham filming it,
a flock of birds swooped down upon the gathering and ate every
butterfly. "The look on the bride's mother's face was
horror," he says. "Those butterflies had to be Fed-Exed to
you three weeks ahead of time. They arrived in the chrysalis
state." The mother of the bride had to take care of and nurture
them right up to the moment of the wedding, when they all reached
maturity, as Markham tells it. "There were 200 of them and they
were not cheap. Monarchs flitting around . . . oh so briefly."
J — African-American
couples can thank the late Alex Haley for reviving the tradition of jumping
the broom. The act recalls the days when slaves were denied the legal
right to marry. The leap together of husband and wife marked the
couple's marriage when the law did not.
K —
Pucker up, honey. Ever since folks have said they do, the kiss has
bound not only lips, but also the marriage agreement. It marks the
first time the newlyweds touch as husband and wife. As aah-inspiring
as that may be, some of us would prefer a simple smooch to a
swallow-each-other's-face lip meld.
L —
The list, a source of high emotion and great anxiety, depending
on the couple. At least one software title, Camelot Wedding Software
(The Wedding Software Company: 1-800-589-7333), wants to eliminate
stress with a feature that streamlines making the seating chart. A
seating manager analyzes your guest list, then groups the invited
according to how they know you or each other. You can even print out a
professional-looking chart for your caterer based on the results. Sort
of a '90s politically correct tool. So much for the chance of bumping
into the drunken uncle who tells all.
M —
Here comes the bride, do-do-do-do. Technically known as
"Mendelssohn's Wedding March," the traditional processional music
became popular in 1858, after being played at Princess Victoria's
wedding to Prince Frederick of Prussia.
N —
Such a quaint, funny term is nuptials. Ranks right up there
with "plighting thee one's troth." But what does
"nuptials" mean anyway? It's just another name for
"wedding" that comes from the Latin nuptialis and nuptiae.
And speaking of "plighting troth," what gives with that
wedding vow? It's not so strange, really. "Troth" is a
derivation of the Old English word for "truth." Back in the
Middle Ages, when poor couples wanted to get married, they often had
little to plight, or exchange, except for their own solemn promises.
O —
What's a wedding without Cousin Gus getting snockered or the buffet
centerpiece catching fire? Oops! Without the small
embarrassment or big disaster, the newlyweds wouldn't have any stories
to laugh over — even if it will take months or years to laugh.
P —
Well, Matt and Emily's first present was a toaster. They
registered at Marshall Field's. Formal china choice: Osborne by
Wedgwood. Crystal: Firelight by Lenox. Who the heck are Matt
and Emily? A couple, married in November 1996, who decided (well, she
did) to chronicle — on the Internet — every last tidbit about
planning their wedding and the actual event.
Q —
Okay. This one might be a stretch, but quiet time bears
emphasis. There's going to be a need for a moment of tranquillity
before the hoopla, if for no other reason than to calm the nerves.
R —
Poor Juliette Low. At her wedding, well-intentioned guests tossed rice
at the Girl Scout founder and her new hubby. But a grain or two lodged
in her ear. Forever after, she was deaf. Rice — signifying
fertility — continued to be part of newlyweds' escape sequence for
many years. But most of today's couples prefer guests to toss birdseed
or rose petals, release butterflies (see I) or wave bubble wands. (A
word of caution from Elegant Bride's "1,000 questions About Your
Wedding": Some bubbles stain, so beware having them land on the
bride's dress.)
S —
In Jewish tradition, the bridegroom shatters a wine glass with
his right foot to remind everyone that even in happy moments, we must
be aware that life is fragile, as are all human relationships.
T —
With the trousseau, just make sure the shoe fits, literally.
Aloha Waggoner, of the Association of Certified Wedding Consultants,
explains that while the trousseau includes everything the bride wears,
head to toe, from her Wedding Day through the honeymoon, she should
not overlook her feet. "A bride once came in in panic just
before the ceremony, saying, 'Don't tell my mother. . . . I have two
left shoes!"' The woman had not bothered to check the shoes she
had ordered until dressing time, Waggoner says. She walked comfortably
down the aisle in her bedroom slippers. "Fortunately for her, her
gown was long enough to cover up her big secret."
U —
The groomsmen may have the fun job — escorting those bridesmaids in
their will-we-ever-wear-these-again dresses — but the ushers
do the work. Back and forth, escorting this guest and that to his or
her seat, distributing the wedding program, perhaps unfurling a
special carpet for the bride. The usher tradition began back in
medieval times, when male friends and family — called the bride's
knights — tended to her needs.
V —
If there were a top-10 list of Bible verses recited in
Christian weddings, I Corinthia ns 13:13 is No. 1 with a bullet.
(" . . . And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But
the greatest of these is love.") At Jewish weddings, favorite
readings come from Solomon's Song of Songs. And for couples a little
more creative, there are always a few more wordsmiths from which to
choose outside the Bible. The writings of Kahlil Gibran, Lao Tsu,
Shakespeare and Elizabeth Barrett Browning are among the most popular
these days.
W — The
wedding band has graced every finger at one time or another.
In Jewish ceremonies, the ring sometimes is first placed on the
right index finger. The reason: Ancient belief held it was connected
by an artery to the heart. After the ceremony, the ring is switched to
the left hand. Egyptians were the first to designate the fourth finger
of the left hand. They, too, believed it was connected to the heart,
through a vein called the vena amoria (love vein). Alas. Romantic as
it sounds, that belief doesn't appear to be true.
X —
Back in the fifth century, Spartan warriors offered toasts to
soon-to-be husbands much as they would salute a comrade who died in
battle. Today's X-rated bachelor parties now include women,
though not exactly the bride-to-be. These events can get rather, uh,
shall we say . . . bawdy. "Weddings for Dummies" (IDG Books.
$19.99), however, offers several alternatives: Take a road trip with
the guys. Sky-dive together. Cook a seven-course Chinese banquet
together. Go to a visual reality arcade together. (Okay, go ahead and
say it, all together please: Yeah, right!)
Y —
If you're at a Jewish wedding and suddenly the bride and groom
disappear, don't worry. They're sharing time together in what's called
a yihud. Traditionally, Jewish couples fast before the
ceremony. Afterward, they eat a light meal together, customarily a
rich chicken broth that symbolizes a rich life ahead. Then they join
their guests at the reception.
Z —
Weddings are meant to create sleep deprivation. In the course of the
typical engagement, it's estimated 40 to 60 hours are spent planning
the Wedding Day. With that much time logged, cop those ZZZZZs
whenever and wherever you can before the Big Moment. Or, more
realistically, wait until the honeymoon.
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